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Our close companions for over two decades, who has overcome numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she's repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her husband left her, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished at that point, since they had been drawn to him. It shocked her. She made greater energy to be my friend, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, several in her circle have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both retired leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I start subjects and she changes them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She has been arranging a holiday to a nation I know well many times even called home for some time. My intention was to provide advice, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially only wanted validation of her decisions. I have returned from four weeks in that country she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she will ever grasp the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for working things out demands strength and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. Your feelings belong to you, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. One effective method involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person might reject all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they're unable to abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough because there's no clear path here, just dead ends. However, she might at first react this way before reflecting your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have peace knowing you were open and direct.