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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the words gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {